Everyday that I don’t live in an abandoned mansion swallowed by the woods is a day lost pic.twitter.com/Shb33Zlyxt
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) October 16, 2021

12 years ago my wife's grandma told her "laundry is the best job for a women because it doesn't require a lot of thinking" and ever since, out of pure disgust, I have done every single load of laundry in our household but it just occurred to me now that I might have been setup
— Joe Mead (@JosephWMead) October 17, 2021

Kid: Look what I can do. *jumps in the air*
Grandparents: pic.twitter.com/BrG1chh12k
— Fanta Bility #SayHerName (@MeWeFree_) October 17, 2021

Physically I’m living through a housing crisis, but emotionally I’m a children’s book writer living in a little flat above a public library: pic.twitter.com/JCV8Bemw5t
— Icona 📚🎃 (@Iconawrites) October 18, 2021

She’s so fine she made him look regular looking omg https://t.co/ujN9vy66wF
— ooo, i like the jwett (@KisseslikeKay) October 18, 2021

if im ever in a coma please put vaseline on my lips
— 🥀 (@ripfeelings) October 19, 2021

Every seat at @PhantomOpera has a mask, a practical mask, a tote, and a fresh rose. 😭 pic.twitter.com/BCcPo11XmQ
— 🎃Quoth the Rey-ven: “pay fair wages.”🎃 (@RLindnerLolong) October 22, 2021

Here is your Box 5 view of the chandelier rising over Broadway once again. #PhantomBroadway #PhantomIsBack pic.twitter.com/zuliOHWEP0
— The Phantom Of The Opera (@PhantomOpera) October 23, 2021

Bobcat Goldthwait on "cancel culture." pic.twitter.com/RBgyzvHHu7
— Josiah Walrus (@Josiah_Walrus) October 23, 2021

I went to an apartment in the French Quarter tonight for a little party and I asked the tenant if they had any ghosts and they said "We do not talk about the ghosts unless we are away from the building"
— jami attenberg (@jamiattenberg) October 24, 2021

All dogs go to heaven.. pic.twitter.com/u01pBNOlH9
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden_) October 26, 2021

Hang in there, Vanessa Hudgens’ dog pic.twitter.com/ik322NIbRW
— Washington Post TikTok Ghoul 👻 (@davejorgenson) October 26, 2021

New Study Finds People Who Sit For At Least 5 Hours Each Day Are Comfier https://t.co/QYgmj4vnZi pic.twitter.com/zHToTQGaMe
— The Onion (@TheOnion) October 27, 2021

A dog approaches you wearing this costume, wyd??? 😭

pic.twitter.com/fxw68aR9vM
— ᴘᴀᴠʟᴏᴠ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏʀɢɪ (@PAVGOD) October 26, 2021

I am watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding for the first time in years, and why OH WHY did teenage-me think Nia Vardalos was plus-sized?? The early 2000s, man! 🤦‍♀️ pic.twitter.com/DGNy0vzMYI
— Emily Richardson (@emrich44) October 27, 2021

“your crush is coming act natural”

ME: https://t.co/DlhEKLcyqi
— 𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞 💋 (@The__Divya) October 29, 2021

say what you will about this show but this one frame will always delight me pic.twitter.com/IJFuEosyoj
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) October 29, 2021

pic.twitter.com/ZFiu7ipq94
— out of context sex and the city (@andjustlike) October 29, 2021

cats when you pet them too long: pic.twitter.com/xgS0aZATGk
— Village of the Adamned (@Browtweaten) October 30, 2021

Tweet of the week pic.twitter.com/t7i4WMdRhG
— I Pray for the Carbz…Waiting for Thanksgiving (@sissythatpatch) October 30, 2021

I wanted to come up with a Halloween costume that was a “sexy” version of something that made no sense. I present to you…”sexy afghan from the couch on Roseanne.” HAHA…

Tomorrow is another costume. pic.twitter.com/nCstAcrFRB
— Cristela Alonzo (@cristela9) October 31, 2021

You can find the best tweets of the rest of October over here.